10 Things I’ve Learnt from Dating a Triathlete

If you’re an avid TriNation listener or reader, you’ll be aware that content usually comes in the form of first-hand accounts from some of the best and brightest athletes, coaches, and professionals the sport has to offer. 

What makes their insight so valuable is the fact that they are the minority, an exclusive group of individuals, whose athletic prowess allow them to stand out amongst the general population. 

Unfortunately, we can’t all be elite athletes and I for one have come to terms with the fact that the only records I’ll likely be breaking take shape in the form of Netflix viewing sessions. 

But as journalists, we emphasise the value of both sides of the story, so while I can’t claim to be a professional in any shape or form, I have, over the last six months been granted a unique behind-the-scenes insight I believe is worth sharing. 

Below are just ten of the many things I’ve learnt as a relatively average, non-athlete navigating a relationship with an elite triathlete. 

Whether you read them and relate, seeing either your partner or yourself in them, or view them as cautionary triathlon dating advice, I hope they provide you with a bit of light-hearted entertainment. 

1. Their daily to-do list will ‘out-do’ you every time

Particularly during this last year, where any opportunity to leave the house has been considered a special occasion, I’ve found myself haunted by my boyfriend’s “So what did you do today?” inquisition. While under normal circumstances the question doesn’t phase me, his considerate regard for my daily summary always manages to leave me with a nagging feeling of underachievement. I mean honestly, three sports is just a lot to compete with. Can I count the wash and dry cycles I put on today as two separate accomplishments? 

2. Recommended serving sizes don’t apply

If you’ve ever scoured the internet for something new to cook for dinner you’ve likely come across a ‘date night’ section on a recipe site. Lovely ideas for cute meals for two, something involving lady and the tramp style meatballs or aphrodisiac shellfish. But, I’m sorry to break it to you, those recipes just aren’t going to cut it. You’re no ordinary couple. Break out the family style meals, suitable for 3-5 people with ingredients catered for ‘a growing child’ – your boyfriend may not actually be growing anymore but I promise he eats like it. 

3. Spontaneous naps aren’t reserved for those under five

Any stationary activity, whether it be watching a movie or the lingering few minutes on the couch after finishing a meal, serves as a gateway to an impromptu sleep session. I mean with near-daily swim sessions pulling them out of bed before 5:30 am, I completely understand –don’t even dare try to get me into a body of water that early unless it’s a tropical Caribbean coast line at sunrise. All I’m saying is don’t trust a word of their “I’m just resting my eyes” nonsense, they already zoned out five minutes ago.

4. Race bikes are obligatory decor

We’ve all, hopefully, been raised to check both ways before crossing the street. What I didn’t realise until recently, was that when dating a triathlete, it is equally important to look up before getting out of bed in the morning. That is unless you fancy knocking into the front wheel of a bicycle before you’ve even had your first cup of coffee. As someone standing 5’3 short, attempting not to walk into things is usually very low on my list of concerns, but when the bike is hung as a holy grail object in your boyfriend’s bedroom new considerations must be made. But honestly, as diverse interior design goes, it could be a lot worse – think the classic assortment of proudly emptied liquor bottles or stolen traffic cone. 

5. Chlorine is their signature scent

There’s just something about that ‘straight out of the pool’ chlorine smell that never quite disappears completely no matter how many showers they take.

6. They understand our hair removal struggles

The average male has little to no idea how much time we as women end up spending on various hair removal techniques. But triathletes are no strangers to a thorough pre-race shaving, epilating or waxing session and won’t take for granted the effort we employ on consistently remaining relatively hair-free. They’ve been there, struggled with that and if anything, they’ll likely even ask you for tips. 

7. They’re time management icons

In high school, I remember vividly being told by a boy I’d fancied that he didn’t have time to date me because he didn’t want to risk derailing his ‘football career’. This boy had training two nights a week for a Sunday league team. I don’t have to tell you that it didn’t end up working out, but my point is that nothing makes you feel more valued than when someone juggling three sports makes time in their, legitimately busy schedule to spend time with you. 

8. They’re natural motivators

Anyone who has ever spent a few hours watching a marathon and promising themselves that they will finally run one next year will understand the feeling I’m talking about here. There is something contagiously inspiring about watching someone working so hard to accomplish their own goals that makes you want to do the same. Whether it is athletically, academically, or career-wise, if your triathlete boyfriend is anything like mine, their commitment and drive will make you want to push to become the best version of yourself.

9. Their washing machines deserve overtime pay

The work that poor machine is put through rivals the laundry schedule of first-time parents and their new-born’s hourly outfit changes. A never-ending rotation of towels, tri-suits, cycling shorts and running gear means that they’ve got their laundry skills down pat – meaning no shocking reveals of basic laundry incompetence if you do ever move in together. 

10. Guaranteed parental approval

Finally, there’s the guaranteed parental approval. Raise your hand if you have a parent who either runs, cycles, or does those terrifying winter dips in freezing cold water just for the fun of it? It can often be daunting to bring a significant other home to meet the parents. But with triathletes you have three whole possible conversation points! They’ll be so busy being impressed/trying to impress them with their own ventures into the various sports that they’ll not only forget their plans of interrogation, but there is an 80% they’ll end up liking them more than you (not speaking from personal experience or anything). 

Article submitted by Emma Simper